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| Vice President Dick Cheney speaks at Florida State University graduation ceremonies on Saturday May 1, 2004 in Tallahassee. (AP Photo/Steve Cannon) |
Traditionally, graduation ceremonies are a time to parade the platitudes of inspirational fluff: Never give up your dreams; perseverance will pay off; the early bird gets the worm ...
Boring!
At least the vice president will spice things up with some election-year politics. And who better to inspire the next generation of leaders than the man President Gerald Ford used to affectionately call "Backseat"? I mean, Cheney's life story is a treasure trove of inspiration!
Here are but a few inspirational lessons to be learned from Cheney's career:
• When in doubt, privatize: When Cheney was in charge of the Department of Defense, he decided much of the daily drudgery of military life could be privatized. So he funneled $3.9 million to a company called Halliburton to plan how it could prepare food, do laundry and clean latrines. After Cheney helped create a market for Halliburton, it got another $5 million to study it some more.
• When life hands you lemons, make lemonade: When Bill Clinton won office in 1992, Cheney lost his. His friends at Halliburton were more than happy to give him a job - as CEO.
• It's all about the bling bling: By 2000, he was pulling in $36,086,635 from the oil-services company.
• Machiavellian politics pay off: In 2000, George W. put Cheney in charge of a team to select a running mate. Cheney chose himself.
• Think outside the box: After creating the Halliburton empire, Cheney turned his attention to creating a new energy policy for the United States. Using his world-famous Rolodex, the vice president merged two seemingly unrelated areas of administration: dealing with rogue states and capturing oil fields.
• Never let a conflict of interest get in the way of a good deal (part one): When Cheney met with his former colleagues to talk about the administration's energy policy, a war in Iraq was a major component.
• Never let a conflict of interest get in the way of a good deal (part two): After we invaded Iraq, who better to clean up the mess than Halliburton? No bidding required. And who knows - after the Bush administration is out of power, Cheney just might be re-hired by Halliburton. Maybe his buddies could kick up the salary to eight figures. I'd say that Cheney has earned it.
• Timing is everything: The day after Halliburton was forced to admit that two of its employees had taken kickbacks resulting in overcharges of $6.3 million, the Pentagon gave it another contract. This one gives Halliburton $1.2 billion to rebuild Iraq's oil industry.
• Let them eat cake: Just because the vice president works for the people of the United States doesn't mean that they need to know who he actually works with or what he's doing. When he dreamed up the 2001 Energy Task Force, Cheney's guiding principle was that the administration has the right to act as it pleases, and that the public has no right to know what it's doing. Let's hear it for principles!
• Never let a conflict of interest get in the way of a good deal (part three): Nobody knew who was on the 2001 Energy Task Force. When the Sierra Club and Judicial Watch sued to get hold of the list of participants, Cheney went on a duck-hunting trip with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. While killing ducks, the two may have discussed the pending case. Nevertheless, Scalia refused to recuse himself when the case went before the Supreme Court this week.
The graduating class of 2004 should be honored to hear from someone as inspiring as Vice President Dick Cheney, a man whose integrity and principles have made a lasting impression on this country.
